there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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