I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
