I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
