Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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