My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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