Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
