It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize