Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
