Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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