I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
