Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
