I think I won the penis lottery.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
