they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
