Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
