mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
