I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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