You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
