At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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