Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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