There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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