umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
