Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
