So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
