I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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