I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
