dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
