I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
