Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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