my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
