Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
