I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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