i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
