My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
