Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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