Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
