I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
