shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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