just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You made out with two different species that night
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
