I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
