"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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