my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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