I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
