Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
