I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I haven't been this sober since birth.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
