I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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