just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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