tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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