I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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