So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
