Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
