The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
