That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
