i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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