Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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