Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He felt like a one man threesome
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
