Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
