You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
