:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
