His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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