No stitches, just platelets and will power
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
