what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i believe in u and ur pee
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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