I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
