Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
