I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
