I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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