drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
