I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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