Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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