Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
