I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I bet he comes in French.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
