Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
