oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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