sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
