so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
